6 Keys to Mastering Money as a Couple

6 Keys to Mastering Money as a Couple

“If you want to go quickly go alone. If you want to go far go together.”

African proverb

If you are reading this then you are probably thinking and strategizing about how you and your honey handle money. Congratulations! In strategizing about how you manage money as a couple, you are well and truly ahead of the curve! I won’t bore or depress you with statistics about money and marriage, or rather divorce. Instead, here are six keys to thriving in the money aspect of your relationship and/or marriage.

1.Talk about money

This applies to all aspects of money. Share with your partner details of your income, assets, that credit card debt you don’t remember why you have, hefty student loans, how much your siblings borrow from you, how much your parents expect from you, how you feel about all of this, all of it. Lay all your cards on the table; anything that you think is even remotely relevant to how you will handle money as a couple.

The saying “we are as sick as our secrets” is true here too. Share all in the safety of your relationship. Not only will it help cultivate a team spirit, it will also be a huge intimacy booster. Not to mention, it’s incredibly liberating.

2. Develop a common vision

This is a favorite part of mine, because it’s all about Team Us; our desires and our intentions. It is the foundation for every financial strategy, so be very honest.

Discuss your goals and your expectations, with particular attention to the role of money in them. Big ticket ones include decisions about purchasing a home, having and raising children, travel and lifestyle. Be careful not to assume that your partner knows what you want, or that you want the same things or have the same expectations as your partner when it comes to finances. Be as clear as possible without getting bogged down by the details. There is no need to try to plan everything to a tee, that is impossible.

3. Know all your expenses

Yes, all of them. You will be surprised what you spend money on, let alone what your partner spends money on. Keep a meticulous record of all your outlays for a period of 2-3 months. I’m talking recording grocery receipts, coffee and restaurant expenses and even haircuts. Anything that you and your partner use money for, whether jointly or separately. Knowing where money goes is essential to managing it well.

4. Use a Money Management Strategy

Based on your common vision and goals, agree on a way to manage your money that will help you get there. The reason most of us do not move forward in financial matters is not that we do not have enough money, it is that we do not manage money well. The Jars money management system is practically fail-proof. Try it. Give it an honest go and thank me later.

Along with a strategy, decide how you will manage your bank accounts. I am all for thinking about money and everything else in a marriage as “ours”. Thus I am an advocate of joint bank accounts, with separate and equal amounts of play and perhaps giving money. It nurtures thinking and operating as a unit, while also allowing each person to have discretionary funds and a degree of autonomous decision making. However, your individual circumstances – legal and otherwise – may make separate accounts or a combination of joint and separate accounts more suitable for you.

Also discuss how you will handle lending or giving to friends and family of origin. As a rule of thumb, treat any money that you lend as a gift and do not lend more than you are willing to lose. If using this money management system (which I highly recommend), keeping gifts and loans to each person’s play money and giving money will keep your family’s funds out of it all and save you a whole lot of headaches.

5. Have equal access to, and control of, money

As in other aspects of a relationship, equal partnership in money matters is where it’s at. Make money decisions and plans jointly, and discuss any changes to plans before veering away from the plan. And please make sure that both parties’ names are listed on joint assets, including all bank accounts that hold joint money. Ladies, I’m looking at you. Our performance record on this one can be better.

Furthermore, have record of all accounts, assets and liabilities, know how to pay all bills and log in to all accounts regularly. Although it is efficient and quite necessary to designate tasks such as paying bills and transferring funds to savings and investments, make sure that you both have access and are fully informed.

Not only does this ensure that each partner is taken care of should anything unfortunate happen to the other, the transparency encourages accountability and helps tremendously in achieving your family’s goals.

6. Devise an estate plan

Much as no one likes to think about themselves or their partner dying, it is going to happen. Financially planning for something so inevitable is generally wise and responsible. As probate laws vary by state and can be very situation-specific, it is advisable to speak to an estate planner for recommendations based on personal situation. Depending on one’s specific situation some simple estate planning steps may be; updating beneficiaries on retirement accounts and individual bank accounts, transferring property deeds and/or leases to joint names, appointing power of attorneys, and setting up and funding trusts.

Issues that show up in money matters for couples are usually showing up in different aspects of a relationship as well. It is worth remembering that money is never the issue. Money matters just lend themselves susceptible to being symptomatic of underlying issues because most of us are incredibly vulnerable about money. As with all things in relationships and marriage, be loving, kind and patient with yourself and your partner. Resolving the underlying issues is where the real healing and solutions lie, as all else will easily fall in line thereafter.

All these steps will likely not be completed in one go, just begin where you are and make a healthy relationship with money an integral part of the culture of your relationship and family.

Remember to celebrate each and every achieved goal, even the seemingly small victories. It really does do wonders for morale and encouragement. The checklist below may be a helpful guide through the process. Click or pin it to Pinterest for full size.

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